House of Mirth~Be True To Yourself

As I started reading "The House of Mirth" by Edith Wharton I initially thought that I'd quite like Lily's character as a bit of a free spirit who was well aware of the "rules" of the social circle she moved in, but was determined to still keep true to herself.  While speaking with Seldon about Gerty Farish, she states "But we're so different, you know: she likes being good, and I like being happy."  By the end of the book, I felt quite disappointed in poor Lily.  I'll concede that it's hard to see the viewpoint of a character whose life is so far removed (in time and a myriad of other ways) from my own, and that maybe it shouldn't be disappointment I feel, but pity that a set of patriarchal ideas has so completely overshadowed these people and wreaked havoc on their lives. As Seldon noted a few moments after Lily's comment; "She was so evidently the victim of the civilization which had produced her, that the links of her bracelet seemed like manacles chaining her to her fate."

Logically, I should understand that Lily is just trying to play the game as she knows it to be-to be guided by the constraints placed on her by society.  The problem is, that is exactly what upsets me.  If a fictional character from a long ago era makes decisions based on societal norms instead of what she knows or feels to be right, that's really no issue.  What gets me is that I've seen this so much in my own personal experiences with the world, that I know it's not fiction.  I see people every day who essentially put on a mask and move about the world as if they were someone else.  I feel this is a residual effect of patriarchy that may have changed shape over time, but has remained as large as ever, and it's an effect that hurts both men and women, just as it did in "The House of Mirth"

Lily's position in society is so tenuous that to remain, she has to put on an act that has been dictated to her. While everyone in the society must adhere to the constraints, there is much more "wiggle" room for the men than the women, and single women had even more constraints than married women. This is often the same in today's society. It pains me to see people who are clearly unhappy continue on with a pretense for the sake of appearances.  It worries me even more when I see young women, putting on what could only be described as a show, for the benefit of men. It seems that both Lily and many women of today, go about in search of the perfect match for marriage in a way that could not possibly yield a match, as there is nothing shown of their true selves to match.  If I could I would tell young people of today (and Lily) to think more along the lines of something Carry Fisher said: "Look here, Lily, don't let's beat about the bush; half of the trouble in life is caused by pretending there isn't any.  That's not my way..."

In closing, I'd say that my opinion of Lily was greatly affected by how I view people in this time.  I want people to be happy and true to themselves, because I have learned that life is a lot easier that way, and it frustrates me when I see other people making mistakes I may have made.  I like Lily Bart, but just want to shake her and tell her "Be yourself! Speak up for yourself! In the end, your life will be so much better for it!"  Or at least she might still be alive....


*Background photo by Charles Dana Gibson